This morning, I did something a little different. I had that conversation with my daughter on my mind, so I spent my waking up time writing a blog entry. I normally do my blogging at night (sometimes VERY late at night). In doing so, I think I opened the door for a very somber morning.
My entire drive to work, all I could think about was Micah. His smile. His laugh. Him holding a microphone in Advanced Vocal. Him taking the ice to begin warmups before a game. I looked over several times to the passenger seat, feeling like he belonged there–talking to me about politics, or choir, or video games. Feeling his absence.
It’s not uncommon for me to think about Micah. I miss Micah daily. I still can’t walk past his room without pausing and looking inside, without quietly saying, “I love you Micah.” This morning though, he was front and center in my mind–the only thing I could think about. Walking into my office, I could still feel the tears on my face.
It was truly a morning lost in thought. Lost in memory. Lost.
The feeling shaped my day. I’ve had little desire to smile. Little desire to eat. Little desire to do anything but let my emotions–and tears–flow. Little chance I would be able to do that though.
I continue to press onward. Appointment for Avi, dealing with a couple issues at home, and now out to Avi’s vocal lessons, dinner and a pre-planned (pre-purchased) movie.
I know the feelings will, for the most part, subside. But still…