Today was another absolutely beautiful day in the Phoenix area. Temperatures in the mid-70s, a breeze that–even as a strong wind–still felt refreshing, sunny with scattered clouds to give the sky some character.
Unfortunately on this beautiful day, I found myself under a localized heavy cloud cover. At first, it was little cloud dots with images of Micah smiling, showing off, being happy. By midday, the clouds began to gather and darken with thoughts of his empty bedroom, his unused goalie bag…not hearing his mic check before the concert…feeling the empty place in my heart that he occupied.
As I drove home from work this afternoon–the cloudburst. I wanted so much to hear his voice–but could only close my eyes and see his silent face. A small smile, a glimmer in his eye, but silence from his lips. Like a rainstorm I couldn’t quite escape, the feeling followed me as I drove home. I went into my bedroom and just put my head on my pillow–and passed out for a while. My brain and heart needed to rest…
I love gorgeous days. I just wish so many of the recent ones weren’t accompanied by sorrow and loss. I hope the correlation–this trend–will soon end, so that I may enjoy a beautiful day as though Micah was here with me, smiling. Singing.