On Friday, Cynthia and Avi headed out with Avi’s Girl Scout troop for a weekend camping trip to Cottonwood. I was very nervous about this trip–not out of any fear for Cynthia and Avi, I knew they’d be fine–but because this would be the first time since Micah passed that I would be home alone. (Yes, I know I went to Chicago “alone” back in April, but I spent most of my two days in and around Chicago with friends…though, if you look back through my blog entries for that weekend, even that was a bit hard.)
Sleeping in the house alone was a little scary for me. Odd for a 45-year old, I know, but I can still feel Micah around the house. Those of you that know me know that I like to be social, around other people. Right now, I can look out to the living room where Cynthia and Avi are sitting, reading, watching a little YouTube (on Avi’s part), and I can draw comfort from that. Friday afternoon, I looked out from this same perch at the kitchen table and saw an empty room…
Thankfully, I had friends this weekend that stepped up to help fill the void. On Friday night, Robert (a fellow goalie dad that I’ve had the pleasure to become friends with over the past year) offered to join me to the Diamondbacks-Giants game. We had a fantastic time, talking baseball, talking hockey, listening to odd 70s music, and enjoying Samuel L. Jackson’s narration of “Go The F*ck To Sleep” on our way home (if you haven’t experienced this, and salty language doesn’t bother you, look it up on YouTube for a good laugh). On Saturday night, Kelly and Adam (friends–yes, also from the hockey world) had invited me to join them to see Journey and the Doobie Brothers. It was another fun night. The music was as I remembered it, the weather was just right, and the people-watching on the lawn is always a spectator sport.
Despite the best attempts of my friends, I still had plenty of moments. On Friday night, as I tried to fall asleep in the empty house… On Saturday morning, going out to a solo lunch (and not being able to find a convenient restaurant that could put on the Cubs game while I ate didn’t help)… Saturday afternoon between an Oculus Rift demo and hanging with Kelly, Adam (and Tracy and Greg for drinks), sitting at this same table, listening to the various sounds of the empty house. This morning wasn’t too bad–my body actually let me sleep in until 9:15 (quite an accomplishment for me), and I was then able to keep myself busy between having a quick breakfast and grocery shopping to fill the gap until Cynthia and Avi got home.
I know that, as time goes by, it will become easier to deal with the obvious absence, the hole in my heart–and my home–and my life. I know that things will get better. But this doesn’t make it any easier right now.
Cynthia and Avi’s return home triggered the beginning of the week to come. A little trip over to the model home with Cynthia to plan for our visit to the Fulton Homes Design Center later this week put a positive spin on things, and the smell of my ribeye roast in the oven right now is trying desperately to put a smile on my face.
Hockey will play a big role in this week’s outside-of-work plans, with the state hockey association board meeting tomorrow night and Arizona Hockey Union tryouts Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and next Sunday to get kids sized for gear. A lot of familiar faces, a lot of work to get kids ready–and a lot of wondering how tryouts will form the Bantam Silver team that I am managing.
And, I could not talk about the upcoming week without mentioning Aviela’s sixth grade commencement on Wednesday afternoon. Time for Avi to move on to junior high…
The roller coaster continues…