We all have those moments when we feel unfocused, scatterbrained, disconnected from any semblance of clear thinking. That’s where I’ve been over the past two days.
Today, for example, I started waking up with tears beginning to drip down my cheeks. As I’ve mentioned before–I don’t remember most of my dreams, and this was no different. I had no idea why I was teared up. After wiping those tears away and starting to get ready for work, I started thinking about Micah’s funeral…then those thoughts shifted to our brief viewing of Micah’s body before the funeral…then to just seeing Micah smile. All of that in the six minute span of my shower. Stepping out of the shower, my mind went blank for a while. As I dressed for work, I had to stop for a minute as I started hearing Micah singing (in my head). That stopped after a couple moments, and I went back to getting ready for work.
I had random snippets of Micah float through my consciousness over the next couple hours, until, reading through a trial transcript, I suddenly thought about Las Vegas…then the last hockey game Micah played, when he took a puck off his left clavicle–causing a non-displaced fracture that caused him to miss the next six weeks of hockey. After a few more minutes of getting work done, I found myself thinking about the day the doctor decided that he was okay to go back on the ice–the day he died. Sitting at my desk at work, I had to just choke back the tears and try to go on.
Those are the sharpest examples of my though pattern (or lack thereof) over the last 36 hours. A little thought about Micah, another thought, emptiness, more thoughts, emptiness, tears…
In the middle of all of this, I’m starting to kick into hockey team manager mode, as our tryouts wrap up, and my new team, AHU Bantam Black forms. So much on my plate… So much to write about… So little focus right now… I’ll write more about the hockey stuff later.