It’s been a while since I put my thoughts in blog form.  Not that I’ve had a lack of worthy thoughts, but they have led to several restless nights–which have in turn led to me being too tired to sit down and “talk” about those thoughts.

We went to sleep early last night, at my daughter’s insistence.  She voluntarily got off her laptop around 8:45, and pushed me to stop putzing around on my laptop and get ready for bed.  She was–and has been for months–genuinely excited about this morning.  You see, today is the first day of school for students in Gilbert.  Today is the first day of Aviela: Junior High Student.

Of course, nothing is every easy… Realizing that we had never heard from GPS Transportation about Avi’s bussing situation, I called the transportation department on Monday morning for answers.  The woman I spoke to was nice enough, but told me that they had not received a “request to route” Avi for school yet.  However, since I was calling in and there was still a couple days left until school started, she would get Avi into the routing pile, and I should hear back “before Wednesday morning” from the bus driver with rough timing of when Avi would be picked up and dropped off.

I should probably take a moment and explain why Avi needed to be “routed.”  We battled last year, especially after Micah died, to get Avi more help in school to deal with her mental health issues as well as the additional emotional stresses of losing her brother, her best friend and confidante.  Because we wanted Avi to get special ed services, especially as she transitions to junior high, we were told that Avi would not attend our local junior high, but a different one, a little further away.  As a special education student with an IEP, Avi is entitled to be bused to school.  As a result, instead of a standard bus stop (because that bus would take her to the closer junior high), she needs special bussing arrangements.

So, I made the initial phone call on Monday morning.  Around 2:45 yesterday (Tuesday) afternoon, still having heard nothing, I called transportation back.  After waiting on hold for a while, I got a human being on the phone.  She told me that there was no trace of any request to route Avi (Thanks a lot, nice woman I talked to on Monday!).  The woman I was speaking with was apparently the person responsible for routing the SpEd kids.  She was able to tell me the bus route and the driver’s name, but also told me that it was too late to get the bus routed to pick Avi up this morning.  She would leave a message for the driver, and would talk to her in person this morning.  Avi would have a ride home on the bus this afternoon, she was sure.  (I told Avi to call me if she is unable to get on a bus this afternoon, and I’d come get her.)

Up at the crack of dawn (5am) this morning, I took care of the endless minutia I look after each morning, made sure Avi was up around 6:15, and got ready for my day.  But not before I walked past his room a couple times…

All my life’s a circle.  Harry Chapin was so right.  Everything goes in cycles.  I just got back to the bumpy start again.  Over the past couple weeks, I’ve found myself stopping more frequently to look at Micah’s pictures, pausing by his doorway to quietly tell him I love him and miss him, going into his room just to sit and think about him, talking about him at the rink as though he’s still here…  At the same time, on more than a couple evenings, I’ve had problems sleeping.

Today, as I prepared to take Avi to school for her first day in junior high, I had to push back the tears thinking about this being Micah’s first time not attending his first day of school.  Micah would have been a junior in high school this morning.  He would have made his way to Mr. Flora’s classroom before lunch for Concert Choir and Advanced Vocal.  He would be anxiously awaiting next Friday’s trip to Pinerock to bond with his choir mates, especially the tenors.  He would undoubtedly be fretting over his math class, or some other class on his schedule where he got a “bad vibe” from the teacher.  He would be texting me at lunch about whatever was on his mind.  He would be getting home this afternoon to get on the Xbox and “blow off steam” by playing a variety of games against his friends.  He would be sitting with me tonight asking me why people are voting for Trump.  He would likely be texting and talking with his friends across the country.

Instead, he’s only talking to me in my head.  He’s only here in my memories.  My only trips to Campo Verde this year will be for choir events, as one way I’m hanging on to his memory is by continuing to be a member of the CVHS Choir Boosters Executive Board.  I wear his jersey to the rink.  And I continue to talk to him…in his room, in my car, in the hallway, anywhere I feel the need to speak with him.

I’m excited for Avi’s new start–her energy and excitement about being a junior high student, her confidence that she can and will make junior high better than elementary school, her desire to succeed.  I just need to try and continue to balance all of this.  Maybe today’s blog entry–getting this off my chest–will help me sleep better tonight…