It’s been weeks now since I last felt like there wasn’t a shadow hanging over me. Over a month since the last day where I didn’t feel overwhelmed, for at least a while, by memories, thoughts, images, grief.
I imagine this is a low point in my cycle of grief. I know it will eventually get better, I just don’t know how long that will take. I hope there’s a lift soon…
Last night, I volunteered to help out the CVHS Choir Boosters by being in Mr. Flora’s classroom during Open House. I didn’t have much chance to really talk to people about becoming boosters–there weren’t that many new people coming through the door in the hour or so I was there. At one point, I’m talking to a parent and my eyes wander…and find…
I stopped talking. I got very choked up. It was as if someone had taken a hammer to my chest and my head simultaneously. It hurt.
I know Micah loved choir, loved Mr. Flora, loved singing and just being himself in the choir room. I do believe his spirit is present in that room. I know I will hear Micah’s voice when the choir performs this year–and into the future. It’s not the same.
I will be chaperoning the Concert Choir’s retreat up to Prescott this weekend, because I believe in what they do, and I believe Micah would have wanted me to keep working with the choir, with Mr. Flora, even in his absence. Much like the trip to NAU last February, I know there will be happy moments, happy memories of Micah’s trip to the retreat last year…and then there will be dark moments where my sense of loss will become overwhelming. One thing I know–the choir and Mr. Flora will be supportive.
I love you Micah.