Have you ever really wanted an answer to an important question?  You feel the anxiety growing with every second, minute, hour and day that passes while you wait for the answer.  Initially, you don’t care what the answer is–you just want AN answer, ANY answer, but as the wait builds, you find more and more that only one answer will truly satisfy you.  It’s as if you feel the wait can only be rewarded with the right answer.

Then there’s point of anxiety #2…this time, you know exactly when the event will happen, but knowing and waiting seems to make time slow down–painfully so.  I’ve done much wrangling and number crunching and reading and thinking about this one.  Yes–in comparison to the subjects of most of my blogs over the past several months, this one is so light–so fluffy–so inconsequential…it’s almost time to buy an iPhone 7 Plus.

Those of you who know me know that I’ve been a staunch supporter of Android over iOS for many years.  Yes, I’ve had a couple iPhones for brief periods of time, and at the end of a brief trial period, I’ve always become frustrated with iOS and returned the iPhone for something different–usually another Android phone.  I’ve owned Android phones made by Motorola, HTC, LG, Samsung (albeit briefly), OnePlus, ZTE and Huawei.  As the years have progressed, Android has gotten a little stale.  Sure, there’s always some cute gimmick, like the stylus and the curved glass (not to mention the spectacular exploding battery) of the Samsung Note7.  But with customization and personalization of Android comes uneven reliability, a wide range of cameras from good to ok to horrible (and camera apps to go along with that range), different security features, different off-shoots of even the same version of Android that share little in common.

So, I decided a few weeks ago that I wanted to try a gimmicky phone.  I ordered the Note7.  Early reviews said it was the best phone out there, better than the iPhone, great camera, great screen, fast processor, etc, etc, etc.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t until after I placed my order with T-Mobile that I saw the NEW set of reviews: underwhelming performance, choppy at strange times, seems to get really hot, phone back covered in glass–shatters easily, Gorilla Glass 5 being harder to shatter, but much easier to scratch, concerns over battery charging (first case of a melted down battery in South Korea), even stories about light bleed from the curved sides of the AMOLED screen.  The phone arrived at 3pm.  By 4:30pm I realized that the back of the phone was VERY hot, the phone, despite being plugged in using the included cable and adapter, was barely charging.  Over 30 minutes with minimal apps running, it went from 39 t0 41 percent–and then quickly dropped back to 39.  Scrolling through a settings menu, the phone stuttered repeatedly.  Okay–DONE.  I boxed the phone back up and set up the return with T-Mobile.  New record for David’s fickleness with a phone: two hours and boxed back up for return.  Looking at what else was coming down the pike for Android…not impressed.  The new Nexus models (now to be called the Pixel and Pixel XL) looked dull–nothing exciting.  The next best phone cameras on Android were meh.  I thought…and thought…

I came to the realization that, on a daily basis, I use less than 10 apps, and the single most important feature to me (aside from a smooth-running system) was the camera.  Who has had the reputation for the best cameras on the market for years?  The iPhone.  Having played with my iPad Pro 9.7 for a few months now and having been pretty happy with how it worked and how I used it, I decided this was a good time to give the iPhone another try.  Cynthia agreed.  We would both swap our Android phones for iPhone 7 Pluses–and that was just based on the rumors and leaks describing the new 7 Plus.  When the real thing rolled out yesterday, my opinion didn’t change.  Most of the rumors were true.  Phone and camera looked solid, slick, fast.  Price was about the same for the 128gb model ($869) as the Note7 ($849) I had just recently returned.  (Buying a smartphone today with only 32gb, especially when you plan to take lots of pictures and video, is a BAD idea.  128gb should be a good fit.  256gb is overkill.)

I’ll spare everyone the complex story of how I tangled with T-Mobile earlier today to make sure I could pull off the upgrade tonight.  In the end, I just need to swap a couple SIM cards before midnight, make a call or two on each phone, and wait for 12:01am to order…

It’s amazing how getting revved up over technology can distract me from heavier issues on my mind–at least temporarily.  I think I probably just wrote more words about the iPhone decision than I’ve spoken all day…  I always know that I’m not doing okay when there are no words coming out of my mouth.  My responses to texts are short, minimal.

No escape was yesterday’s blog title and theme.  I suppose there have been a couple escapes today–my tech talk above, my anxiety over that big decision (still pending) referenced above.  At the same time, I continue to grow tired of this world where five percent of the people do 95 percent of the work…and when those five percent are tired, the rest just cross their arms and demandingly tap their feet, waiting for someone else to step forward from the five percent to keep working on their behalf.

I know what Micah would say to me.  He’d tell me to forget about them and do what I want to do…or to play a video game with him anyhow.  I spent a good 40 minutes sitting in Micah’s room this evening, just looking at his pictures, looking at the things in his closet, just waiting… I don’t know what I was waiting for.  Maybe I thought, if I focused on Micah sharply enough, I could hear his voice.  I could glance a vision of him sitting next to me.  I could feel him sitting there, looking at me.

I looked at his goalie bag.  Sitting the same way as it has constantly since mid January.  The remnants of my goalie…his gear, his medals and trophies, his jerseys hanging in the closet.  The remnants of my teenage son…his Xbox on the floor in front of the loft TV, his drum set in the corner of his room, his white tie from Advanced Vocal, the sign-in book from his Bar Mitzvah.  The hints of what Micah might have become this Fall…his sheet music from choir, playbills from Broadway musicals he had seen, invisibly connected by thoughts, dreams and ambitions of Broadway musicals he wanted to become a part of.

I read today that Jersey Boys is closing on Broadway this month.  Ever since he saw the movie a year or so ago, he had become fascinated by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons.  He would walk around fine-tuning his falsetto so he could pull off the perfect Sherrie…the opening to Walk Like A Man…  He was honestly angry with me for making him go to Las Vegas to play hockey over my birthday weekend last year instead of staying behind to see Frankie Valli at the Celebrity Theatre.  Maybe I should have listened.  If we skip Vegas and see Frankie Valli, he never takes that puck off his clavicle, never breaks it and has to sit out six weeks, and maybe without his body and brain chemistry all jacked up…maybe…maybe…

Jersey Boys closing.  It’s another end.  I’ve seen too many things end before their time this year…