Tomorrow morning, my family–immediate and community alike–will be participating in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s Out of the Darkness Walk in Phoenix in Micah’s memory.

For anyone that has not been following my blog over the past eleven months, my 15-year old son Micah committed suicide back in January.  I have spent the better part of almost a year now trying to deal and cope with the loss of my first child…my ice and roller hockey goalie…my Tenor…my Xbox aficionado…my ray of sunshine…my deep thinking teenager.  There have been good moments and bad moments.  Moments of stillness and smiles, moments of sorrow and tears.  In all those other moments, there has not been a single moment that I have not wished that I could steal a time machine, go back in time, and stop Micah from making that fateful decision.

Tomorrow, we will be met at Steele Indian School Park by work friends, hockey friends, choir friends, and just long-time Micah friends.  We will carry with us pictures and memories of my taken-too-soon son, their taken-too-soon teammate and classmate, their taken-too-soon friend.  I will be a raw, exposed nerve as I feel everything flood back over me as we walk to represent Micah, and hope to make an impression–a difference–so that maybe someone else will never have to walk for their son, daughter, mother, father, brother, sister, teammate, classmate or friend.

We kicked off the memories by checking off another Micah-list item.  Those of you who knew Micah personally know that his musical life changed when I forced him to sit down and watch the recent movie adaptation of JERSEY BOYS, the musical story of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons.  If digital movies wore down like old LPs, we would have had to replace the digital copy a dozen times.  Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons’ greatest hits as well as the soundtracks (both Broadway and Motion Picture) to JERSEY BOYS were in regular rotation on Micah’s phone.  Micah’s teammates and choir classmates got to hear Micah do his best Frankie Valli impersonations at the oddest of times.  How can I have any finer memory of our Chicago 2015 trip than Micah enjoying a Brazilian Steakhouse and after eating, gathering with teammates to lead them in a rendition of SHERRY?  Just the thought has the tears welling up in my eyes…

Anyhow, last November, we discovered that Frankie Valli was going to be performing at the Celebrity Theatre in December 2015.  The only problem: the performances were Friday and Saturday night, December 3rd and 4th…and we were driving to Las Vegas for a couple hockey games that Friday night.  Micah begged me to let him miss a day of the trip, for us to leave on Saturday morning, just so we could stay to see Frankie Valli in concert.  Doing the best I could, I suggested that we could leave early for Vegas and go see JERSEY BOYS on the Strip that Friday night.  Micah was not pleased with this compromise, but — in typical Micah fashion — said that was okay.  Making a much longer story very short, we never got in the door to see JERSEY BOYS either due to ticketing and communication issues with both the box office and Ticketmaster.  I was very upset.  Micah was upset.  It started the weekend–my birthday weekend–off on a very sour note.  It ended on a downright horrible note when Micah took a puck off his left clavicle, breaking the bone.  That would be the last hockey game Micah would ever play…

Back in the Spring, we crossed JERSEY BOYS off our Micah-Would-Have-Wanted-To-Do-This list, when Cynthia, Avi and I were able to finally see the show in Las Vegas.  Tonight, we were finally able to cross seeing Frankie Valli live off the list as well.  He is an amazing performer still, despite his 82 years.  He still has that falsetto.  He can still belt it out.  Micah would have been so tickled to hear that voice…maybe he did…

If anyone has a good connection for “inexpensive” seats to HAMILTON: AN AMERICAN MUSICAL on Broadway, that would be the next item on the list of things Micah would have loved to see…  Just sayin’…  Maybe RENT and WICKED after that…

Now I write a little–to try and calm my mind, steady my heartbeat, and allow me to get a little sleep before an early wakeup call for the Walk.  Before the day even arrives, I want to thank everyone that has pledged support to the Walk or decided to come out in person and walk with us.  I want to thank everyone that donated in Micah’s name.

Want to help?  Click THIS LINK and hit the donate button to donate a couple dollars in Micah’s name…

For now, I will try and stay focused on the good memories, and the thought that reopening some of the wound tomorrow might help someone else not have to go through what we’ve gone through over the past eleven months.  I miss my son.  I still can’t look at his picture without feeling the loss and grief…

David

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