I walked for my son.
For his memory,
For his legacy,
For his feet can no longer carry him.
I walked surrounded by his friends,
By his teammates,
By his rivals,
By those who knew him,
By those who cared about him,
By those who loved him.
I walked deep in thought,
Overwhelmed by emotion,
Searching for distractions to preoccupy me.
I was okay while I walked.
I was calm and collected while I talked to friends.
I was fine…
Until the bill to pay was mine.
I walked without my son.
I remembered my son.
I felt the void left by my son.
I was reminded once again
That nothing is the same without my son.
The walk was nice, if a little too short. The company was fantastic–seeing people from hockey, choir, Cynthia’s coworkers, even one of Micah’s old teachers…all there because they loved Micah, and they loved and wanted to support us. I missed seeing a few others that wished they could attend the walk, but were unable to do so, but appreciated their notes and kindness. I liked being able to talk politics with a like-minded friend–a noble distraction from the heartache ripping me apart all morning. And then, far too soon–yet perhaps not soon enough–the walk was over.
After taking care of some business at home, we decided to go see ARRIVAL. I won’t spoil the movie, except to say that the last thing I needed to see was a movie that opens up with the death of the protagonist’s teenage daughter… I’ve been a speechless mess since.
Tomorrow I head back to work, after a week tending to the most recent misfortune to strike my family–my uncle’s death last week. I know I have multiple projects awaiting me…and clocks ticking on them as I type this. I keep hoping that getting back to work will be a good distraction–a change to get my mind off everything I’ve dealt with over the past nine days…