Sitting here in a dingy hotel room — now I remember why I kind of became a hotel snob of sorts — I stare at the wall. There’s really nothing there, nothing to look at. Just alone with my thoughts and my iPad.
Once upon a time, the notion of spending a night in a hotel room was exciting, a chance to do something different, a small getaway from the norm. Now, it’s just a way to avoid a 50-or-so minute drive home to get four or so hours of sleep and drive 50 minutes back early in the morning. It’s sitting on a relatively uncomfortable bed hoping that doing a little writing will quiet my mind and let me get some sleep.
My mind doesn’t exactly have racing thoughts. In fact, if pressed, I don’t know that I could describe any specific thought or notion, so much as an overall feeling of melancholy, a general disquieting sadness. I think I know part of the root cause–spending the evening scorekeeping and announcing the opening roller hockey festival of the season. Seeing all those familiar faces, save one.
I find it kind of interesting that roller hockey seems to generate more gloom than ice hockey. Micah only played roller hockey for about three years. I don’t feel as attached to Micah’s roller hockey gear as I do his ice hockey equipment. Whereas I still cannot see myself parting with Micah’s last set of leg pads or skates or blocker and catcher from ice hockey, I felt okay offering another family Micah’s roller hockey skates, his roller hockey leg pads.
Perhaps the best description of my situation is an overarching feeling of emotional confusion. I want to cry at things that should bring joy, laugh at things that should be sorrowful, be angry at minor things I should just ignore-then throw all those emotional responses into the hopper and randomly spit them out every five or six minutes.
Tonight was a challenge. Tomorrow morning will be somewhat of a challenge. Sleeping may be a challenge in between.
Tomorrow I will spend a few more hours helping out at the rink, then grab a nice lunch and head home. I think I’ll use my Genghis Grill free birthday bowl before it expires. A nice solitary lunch…